A Single Tool to Improve the Quality of Your Relationship with Your Child
It's free. It's powerful. It works. It’s observation.
Regular observation can improve your relationship with your child in the blink of an eye. When you observe, you learn about your child's needs and interests. You see what activities she is ready for now, and you get to know her better. Observation will help you figure out the changes you need to make in your home environment. And whether you need to change your attitude towards your child. Through observation, you tell your child that you see her needs, and you're there to respond to them.
Let's look at some examples of the importance of observation.
Understanding your child's needs
Children change rapidly, and so do their needs. If you don't observe them, it will be hard to know what experiences they need and what toys you can offer to them.
When Emma turned into a toddler, she started showing zero interest in the toys on her shelf. There were days when she didn't touch any of the toys. I couldn't figure out why so I decided to spend more time observing her. When I did, I noticed that she wouldn't stop moving. She walked from one room to another, climbed up and down the couch, and walked again. And that's when I realized that she was working on her gross motor skills. She needed more activities using her large muscles. The answer was right in front of my eyes. Instead of dwelling on her Montessori shelf, we started spending most of the day outside. This phase lasted for a long time. Eventually, it passed, and she directed her attention back to her toys.
When we observe, we see what our children need. We are able to adjust our environment, routine, and expectations to support them best.
Knowing what your child is ready for
Is your baby trying to take a spoon from you and puts it into her mouth? She is telling you that she is ready to feed herself. When we pay attention to what we see, we can pick up on signs of readiness for different things. We respond to these signs and remove the obstacle to her development. In this example, the obstacle would be to keep feeding the baby without giving her her own spoon to feed herself.
Learning about your child's interests
Observation helps you see what your child is interested in. That way you can offer activities or toys that he will enjoy. This is how I noticed Emma's interest in bugs. On our regular walks to the park, she began to stop every few steps. She pointed to tiny ants I couldn't see until I bent over. She pointed to bugs and spent a great amount of time observing them. To support her interest and prevent her from taking bugs home, I made an insect matching game for her.
If you copy someone else's Montessori shelf, you're not responding to your child's needs. First, observe and then offer toys.
Getting to know your child's personality, strengths, and weaknesses
If you have more than one child or have a sibling, you know that each child is very different. Observation will help you understand your child's personality. And you will be better equipped to help him work through his challenges.
Does your preschooler have a hard time greeting people outside of his family? Does he shut down and stops talking when meeting neighbors or his teachers? Once you rule out selective mutism, you can focus on finding ways for him to express himself.
You can role-play the situations he struggles with and model the appropriate behavior. For instance, you can pretend to be him while he plays the role of the neighbor. You will model saying hi to the neighbor. Then you can switch roles and he can practice saying hi and goodbye.
On the other side, if you have a child who won't stop talking, this child will need very different guidance. Again, through role-playing, we will show her how to wait for her turn when someone else is talking. She will practice how to pause after finishing a sentence so someone else can say something as well.
Observation will help you to serve each individual child in the best way possible.
Do you observe your children? What did observation teach you about them and yourself?
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